I Would Die For You
by Symee-Sama
Summary: Relena pushed him away. He was quoting her dream again, and it frightened her. This sounds like goodbye. She whispered. Is this goodbye? 1xR
1. Part 1

I Would Die For You: Part 1  
By Symee-Sama

* * *

_I never knew this kind of love  
The kind that won't wash away,  
And then leave you in the dark  
I would die for you.  
__  
_-Jann Arden

* * *

_He was so far away. She ran towards him, eating up the ground with her long strides, but she could never catch him. Why couldn't she reach him? Tears streamed down her face, and she wiped them away angrily. She had no time for tears. Not now. She had to reach him!  
  
She screamed his name, hoping he would hear her, and to her relief, he did, turning around and giving her the gentle smile that was for no one else, but her. "Relena," He said softly, and held out a yellow flower for her. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I can't stay with you."  
  
"But you promised!" Relena yelled at him. "You promised that you would stay with me this time, Heero!" She clenched her hands into fists. "Does you word mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?" She looked down at the ground, her fear of being rejected overpowering her anger. "I thought that you loved me."  
  
Heero cupped her chin with his hand, lifting her head until his eyes were level with hers. "Why would you even ask? You know how I feel about you, Relena." His eyes blazed with anger. "Why do you even have to ask? Don't you trust me?"  
  
"Don't be angry!" Relena snapped, throwing up her hands in disgust. "I'm afraid of what's going to happen and you're angry? You're the one who's leaving me!" Flames of anger flickered through her eyes, and she backed away from him. "This isn't what I signed on for." She turned to leave. "I can't do this anymore."  
  
"Relena." She shook her head as all her anger and resolve melted away, and she turned to face him again. It wasn't fair that he could stop her with a single word. "Don't you understand? I'm doing this for you. It was always for you." He smiled sadly, and handed her the flower. "You should have this." He said softly. "You will need it later."  
  
"What?" Relena looked at him strangely. "What would I need a flower for?"  
  
"To put on my grave." Heero said without a trace of emotion in his voice. "Will you visit my grave?" He asked her. "I would like that. I've never had someone who would care enough to tend to my resting place, and if you would do that..." She nodded, and he cut off abruptly, looking at her with such love in his eyes that she thought that her heart would break. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"  
  
"Heero," Relena reached out and grasped his hand. "Stop talking like I'm never going to see you again. What could have possibly have happened that could tear us apart?" Her heart sank as he snapped his fingers, and a piece of paper with the word 'mission' written on it appeared in front of her.  
  
"Heero," her voice trembled slightly. She reached for the piece of paper, wanting to read what he had been assigned to do, but it vanished before her fingers touched it. "You're planning to die, aren't you?" Her hand was shaking violently, and she pulled it against her chest to hide her nervousness from him.  
  
He reached for her, and enveloped her hand in his in an effort to calm her. He pulled her close to him, and kissed her gently. He leaned his forehead against hers, and looked into her sad eyes. "Believe in me." He whispered, and reluctantly drew away from her. "I will come back to you."  
  
He pushed the flower into her hands and took a few steps backward. "Remember me." He smiled sadly, as he pulled out a gun. "And know that I will never forget you." He put the gun to his head, and released the safety. "Thank you."  
  
Relena screamed at him to stop, and tried to run forward. It couldn't end like this. She wouldn't let it end like this. He couldn't do this! She sprinted towards him, another scream escaping her lips as the gun exploded into a ball of fire, consuming Heero.  
  
She gagged at the smell of burning flesh, and tried to run forward, only to be stopped. "Milliardo!" She cried, and struggled against his grip. "Let me go!" She cried, and reached towards the burning ball of flame. "Please, let me go to him!"  
  
"Leave her alone, Zechs." Relena gasped when Heero stepped out of the flames, ignoring the blood running down his face, and the burns that scarred his arms. "Remember what you promised me. You have to let her choose."  
  
"I did." Zechs said smugly. "I knew that she could do better than you, Yuy. So I let her." Relena wanted to cry when she saw the look of betrayal on Heero's face. "She chose another. She forgot you." Heero fell to the ground, holding a hand to his chest, his breath coming in short gasps.  
  
"It's not true!" She cried, silently cursing Zechs in her head. How could he be doing this to her? He knew how she felt! Why would he want to cause them pain? "Heero, please... It's not true." Blood started dripping from his mouth and he absently wiped it away.  
  
"Do you still have the flower?" Heero asked her, and she nodded, holding up the yellow rose as proof. "Good." He glared at her. "You forgot me. You broke your promise, but I never forgot you. You were always first in my mind. Don't break this promise." He pressed a hand to his heart. "Tend to my grave."  
  
Relena burst into tears as he collapsed, his breaths becoming shorter and more ragged until they ceased all together. Relena cried out his name. Telling him that she had never betrayed him. That she had never forgot him, but it was too late. He was dead, and she couldn't reach him. Her sobs subsided, and she looked with hatred at the man who held her in his arms.  
  
Zechs was smiling at her, whispering soft words as he wiped away her tears. "Don't cry little sister." He said soothingly. "Now, you are free." He gestured scornfully at Heero's body. "Now that he is gone... You're free." He patted her on the head, and disappeared, dissolving into nothingness.  
  
Relena stared at the body of the man that she loved, tears still streaming down the face as she reached out to touch him. She let out a small breath when instead of warm skin, her hands touched cool marble, and she traced the engravings reverently.  
  
His name had been rubbed away, and there was no trace of a message on the tombstone. The only thing that was readable was the date of birth and death, and she ran her hands over them quietly. "After Colony 180 to 208." She whispered to the empty air. "Why did you have to die so young?" She felt tears well in her eyes again, and she wiped them away absently. "You left me alone."  
  
She jerked when she noticed that her hands were leaving red smudges on his tombstone. She was crying blood... A scream erupted from her throat as pain engulfed her and wounds appeared on her body, long scratches, bruises, and a tiny hole in her chest. Blood flowed freely down her body, and she lay down beside Heero's tombstone, letting her blood coat the cool marble, and soak into the ground beneath her. It seemed so right that she would die near him. It seemed so right...  
  
She wrapped her arms around herself, willing her body to retain some of the heat that seemed to be escaping with her blood. Turning to the tombstone, she kissed the top, saying goodbye to life and to pain as she sank into the green grass, and was pulled beneath the dirt towards him. Death could not separate them. Nothing would ever separate them.  
  
"Heero," she whispered as she made her way down to join him. "I love you." It was her turn to smile... They would never be apart again.  
  
"Relena..." She could hear him calling her... Calling her towards the light. "Relena..."_

_8&8&8&8&8_

"Relena." Her eyes shot open and she looked around bewilderedly. She was in her room, in her bed, and her bodyguard was there with her. "Relena, are you all right?" His fingers dug into her flesh, and his voice was heavy with concern. "You wouldn't wake up." Heero released her and ran a hand through her hair. "You scared the shit out of me, Relena."  
  
"I'm sorry." She said sincerely, reaching up to touch his face, just so she could make sure that he was real. Warmth ran through her fingertips as she traced small patterns on his cheek. "It was only a bad dream."  
  
He nodded understandingly, and moved to sit beside her on the bed. They all had their demons to face. "Would you like to tell me about it?" He asked, and she shook her head. "I think that it might help to talk about it. It makes it seem less real."  
  
This wasn't the first time that he had woken her up, and offered to talk about the nightmares that plagued her. He knew that she needed his support. She couldn't escape her nightmares by herself, no matter how hard she tried. They all had their demons. She had chased away his bad dreams more than once, and had offered the same support that he now offered her. He grabbed her hand, running his thumb around in relaxing circles.  
  
"You left me." Relena said finally. "You took a suicide mission, and you left me all alone. I watched you die, and then I watched you die again." She buried her face in his shoulder. "It was terrible, because I knew that it was my fault. I somehow knew that I was the reason that you died the first time, and the second time, you died because you thought that I had betrayed you. That I had forgotten about you."  
  
"Shh," Heero soothed, moving his hands up and down her back. "I'm not dead, and I know that you would never betray me. Everything's fine. It's only a dream."  
  
Relena frowned. "But everything seemed so real. I've never had a dream that was that real." She wiped her eyes and pulled back her hands to examine them, half expecting to see them stained red with blood. "The worst part was the look on your face when you thought that I had chosen someone else." She looked into his eyes. "You know that I would never forget you, right?" Her voice had a desperate edge to it. "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to forget you."  
  
He hugged her tighter, wishing that he could do more to put her fears to rest. "I know." He kissed her forehead. "I couldn't forget you either." He smiled at her, an action which had come much easier to him in her presence than with anyone else. "You're too annoying."  
  
"Your jokes are worse than Duo's," Relena smiled back at him, the fear that had overwhelmed her slowly receding to the back of her mind. "What time is it?" She asked, looking at the sun that was streaming through the window. "It can't be that early."  
  
"I was coming to wake you up when I found you." He loosened his hold on her slightly, and pulled back, looking her up and down. "Are you sure that you're okay? You look shaken." His voice was heavy with concern, and her smile widened. "Relena?"  
  
"I'm fine," she hugged him again. "Just promise me that you won't leave me."  
  
"I would never." Heero promised, and reluctantly released her. "You have work to do." He reminded her softly, and she glared at him.  
  
"Damn you for being so practical." She cursed casually as she crawled out of her bed, stretching her muscles. "Most men would have preferred to stay in bed with me, but you... You send me to work." Her smile returned as she opened her closet doors to choose an outfit that was suitable for the meetings that she had that day.  
  
"I'm not like most men," Heero said soberly, and got off of her bed, looking over her shoulder at the clothes she was considering. "The black skirt and blue blouse would look nice." He commented.  
  
"What are you? My fashion consultant now?" Relena asked incredulously at the outfit that he had selected. It was perfect, and he knew it.  
  
"When I have to be," Heero replied casually and walked out of the room to let her change.

8&8&8&8&8

_Relena stood in the middle of a busy street, ignoring the honking of car horns as she blocked traffic. She lifted tear filled eyes to the flames that licked out from the now empty husk, almost like they were beckoning her forward. To join him, to join him in the flames, in death.  
  
She took a step forward, and glared at the man who tried to restrain her. Didn't he understand? Couldn't he understand? The man in that car had seemed immortal to her. He couldn't be dead. She refused to believe that he could be killed.  
  
She took another step forward and when the man reached out to stop her, she slapped him. Slapped him as hard as she could. "Don't you understand?" She screamed at him. "He's alive! He can't die! He just can't!" The man looked at her pityingly, and she wanted to hit him again for it. To hell with Pacifism.  
  
"You're in denial." He said calmly, and she shook her head, muttering to herself that it couldn't be true. "It happens when you've experienced something that your mind is incapable of handling. He's dead, and killing yourself won't help that."  
  
"He can't die." She whispered to no one as she looked at the burning wreckage that had once been her car. "He was immortal."  
  
"No one's immortal." The man replied gently. "Not even me."  
  
"But, Heero." Tears filled Relena's eyes. "He was my friend. He promised that he would never leave my side." She buried her face in his shoulder. "He promised me!" He took her into his arms and whispered soft words to her, trying to calm her down for the second time that day.  
  
"Pagan wouldn't want you to sacrifice your life to join him." Heero said firmly. "I know that you loved him like a father, but he wouldn't want you to do that for him. Please, if you never believe me again, listen to what I say now. Don't throw away your life."  
  
To his astonishment, Relena began to laugh; tears streaming down her face and triumph in her eyes. "This is a dream!" She cried, ignoring the sickening smell of burning flesh. "That's it. It's just another dream!" She moved closer to the flames, watching as they consumed the man who had been like a father to her. "I wonder why I'm dreaming about the deaths of those I love... Who will be next?" She wondered aloud. "Duo? Trowa? Quatre? Whose death will I dream of next?"  
  
She smiled softly, as the darkness surrounded her, pushing in on her, and making everything disappear. "Who will be next?" She whispered as everything went black._

_8&8&8&8&8_

Relena sighed as she sat up, pressing a cold cloth to her forehead. She was in her room again, and she had a headache that wouldn't go away. It hadn't been a dream. Pagan was dead, and he was dead because of her. Because someone wanted to kill her.  
  
They had heard of no demands, no threats, but that was the way it was, wasn't it? Someone didn't agree with her political views and decided to take matters into their own hands. She wanted to weep; she wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. If they had wanted her, why hadn't they come and killed her? Why had they taken out their anger on an old man whose only crime was that he loved her?  
  
Guilt washed over her in waves. It should have been her. She should've been the one trapped in the burning car. She should have been the one who died. The bomb had been for her after all... She glanced up when the door swung open, and when she saw who it was, she looked at her hands again, not wanting to talk to him.  
  
"Relena," he walked over and knelt beside her bed. "This wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for this." He reached out to touch her arm, but she flinched away from him. "Relena..." He growled in frustration. "It wasn't your fault."  
  
"Yes it was," Relena snapped. "Don't try to make me feel better, Heero. I know that the bomb was for me."  
  
"But it wasn't." Heero protested, and forced her to look at him. "It wasn't for you. It was for me." Relena looked at him uncomprehendingly. "The Preventors received an anonymous call that demanded that 'Heero Yuy, pilot of Gundam 01 be killed for the good of the people.' The bomb was supposed to be for me. I was the one who killed Pagan, so stop blaming yourself."  
  
He gave her a moment to register what he had said before he continued. "I have to meet with Zechs to see what we're going to do. I'll be back soon." He promised, and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Do you want anything?"  
  
"Don't leave." Relena pleaded, grabbing on to his arm. "Don't leave me alone."  
  
"I have to do this." Heero protested gently. "If I don't stop this, other people will die instead of me. I can't let them die, Relena." He pulled her into his arms, and lowered his mouth to her ear. "Please understand. I can't sit by and watch while people get hurt. One man has already died in my place, and I won't let them kill anyone else."  
  
Relena nodded slowly, and let him go, practically pushing him away. "I'll hold you to that promise." She said quietly, the dream that she'd had that morning rushing back to her. "I'm afraid, Heero."  
  
"You don't need to be scared," Heero told her as he walked towards the door. "I will protect you." He paused beside the open door, giving her a determined look. "I would die for you." He swore, and then he was gone, leaving Relena alone on her bed, tears streaming down her face.  
  
"That's exactly what I'm afraid of." She whispered to the empty room.

8&8&8&8&8

Heero glared at the blond haired man in front of him. He loved Relena, but that definitely didn't transfer over to her brother. They had fought against each other during the war, and old grudges were hard to break. Besides, Zechs despised the idea of Heero and Relena together.  
  
"No need to glare, Yuy." Zechs said smugly, gesturing for Heero to sit down. "I've found a solution to your problem."  
  
"And what's that?" Heero asked tonelessly as Zechs handed him a sheet of paper. He scanned it quickly, and his eyes widened in shock. He read it over again. "You can't be serious. You're going to kill me? You're going to let them win?"  
  
"Read the bottom, Yuy." Zechs said calmly. "Doing this will protect Relena. She could have easily been the one in the car instead of Pagan."  
  
"I won't do it." Heero could barely control the anger that was rising in him. "You're going to send me off to die, and I promised her that I wouldn't leave her. I can't do it Zechs." Emotions were warring within. Part of him wanted to go and fight, but he knew that if he left Relena, it would hurt her...  
  
"Stop being so selfish!" Zechs snapped. "Do you want Relena to die? If you go on this mission, you'll be dead to her, but she will still be alive, but if you don't, you could both die." He glared at the younger man. "Would you kill her because you were too selfish to let her go? I thought that you wanted to protect her, Yuy."  
  
"I do." Heero's voice was barely more than a whisper. He glanced at the paper, dread filling his heart as he reread his death sentence. "But does it have to be this way?" He asked weakly. "I don't want to leave her alone."  
  
"You don't have a choice. This is the only way that they will stop attacking you, and the only way to ensure her safety." He watched as the young pilot reread the paper again, knowing that he had pressed all the right buttons. He studied the look on Heero's face and smiled inwardly, he knew what his answer would be.  
  
"I'll do it." Heero said quietly. "I accept the mission." He felt like he had just been shot, and hated that he would have to go back to Relena and tell her what he'd done. "Just... I want you to tell her the truth about this mission." He saw the look on Zechs' face, and knew that he was about to refuse him. "After the mission, I want you to tell her the truth."  
  
"Fine." Zechs grumbled. "Report back here tomorrow morning."  
  
Heero nodded and exited the office, his heart heavy with the knowledge of what he had to do. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, running his fingers over the smooth velvet. He had wanted to give this to her today, to ask her to spend her life with him, and then... all this had happened. He shoved the box back in his pocket. This wasn't the right time to ask her. Especially when he knew that he was going to leave her...  
  
He cursed; he didn't want to leave her. He had finally found what he wanted. He had finally begun to understand what it was to be human, and was putting the war behind him. Why couldn't anything ever go right? Wasn't it enough that they had to fight through the war? Why did he have to do this?  
  
He cursed again, but this time it was at himself. Asking questions that no one had the answers to was not the way to deal with things. He had to tell her. He had to let her know. He reached her apartment and knocked on the door. "Relena?" He called, almost wishing that she wasn't home so he wouldn't have to tell her. "Relena, are you there?"  
  
The door opened, and relief washed over her features. "You're back." She said softly. "I was worried about you."  
  
"Relena..." He began nervously. "We need to talk." He stepped inside and led her to a chair, gesturing for her to sit down. "Zechs had a way for me to stop them from killing anyone else." Relena smiled.  
  
"Really?" She asked, and he nodded. "That's wonderful, Heero!" She clapped her hands together. "What was it?"  
  
"Relena..." Heero hated to destroy the happiness that she was feeling. "It's another mission. I have to go away for awhile. I don't know how long." _Liar. _"I don't want to go, Relena, but I have to... don't you understand?"  
  
"But-" Relena stammered. "You promised. You told me that you wouldn't leave me. That you wouldn't go away!" He reached for her, but she moved away from him. "You promised me that you wouldn't leave." She said, anger building in her. "Does your promise mean nothing?"  
  
"Relena, you don't understand!" Heero snapped. "Do you think that I want to go? Is that really what you think? Because if you do, then you don't know me at all!" She flinched and he softened his tone. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I can't stay with you."  
  
Tears filled Relena's eyes. He had said that in her dream... A question appeared in her mind, and she ignored it for a moment, not wanting to voice her fears out loud. This whole thing was too close to what she had dreamed.  
  
"I thought that you loved me." She whispered, and wanted to weep at the pain that flashed in his eyes. "I can't do this anymore, Heero. I can't keep watching you leave, not knowing if you'll come back." She turned her back to him, and looked out the window. "I don't think that I can see you anymore." Tears were streaming down her face now, but she would never let him see them, never let him see how much this was hurting her. She had given him so many chances, and she couldn't go on like this any longer.  
  
"I understand." She could hear the pain in his voice, and the finality of his tone. "I do love you, Relena, and I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my promises." She heard him place something on the table. "I hope that you find someone better."  
  
Relena waited until she heard the door shut before she turned around to see what he had left her, and her breath caught when she saw the small velvet box. He had wanted to propose to her... She wiped her eyes, and opened the box, gasping when she say the beautiful gold band with their initials engraved on the inside. It was simple, but beautiful. Exactly what she would have expected from Heero.  
  
She burst into tears again, knowing that she had just chased away the only man that she had ever loved, and that she might never see him again. Her dream was coming true. He was beyond her reach, and this time, it was all her fault.

8&8&8&8&8

Heero was miserable as he stepped into the mobile suit hangar. She didn't want him with her any more. She didn't love him. For the first time in his life he wanted to hide himself away. To go somewhere where no one would be able to find him, and just release all the emotions that were churning in side of him.  
  
She had been the one person who had been able to understand him and what he did. Not even Duo had understood him as well as she did, but it seemed that although she understood him, she couldn't accept him. He couldn't blame her. He wasn't really a person... he was a machine. An emotionless monster. Who drove away the people that he loved...  
  
He looked towards the mobile suit that he would be piloting, suddenly hating the thought of fighting. The thought of leaving her. He looked at it with disdain. It was no wing zero, but he supposed that it would have to do. Its only purpose was to be destroyed after all. He couldn't expect them to give him their best model for this mission.  
  
He heard a noise behind him and he looked up. "Relena?" He couldn't stop the surprise from showing on his face. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I wanted to say goodbye." Relena smiled sadly. "And I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last night. I know that you don't want to risk the lives of others because someone is after you."  
  
"You don't need to-" She silenced him by placing a finger against his lips, searching his eyes, and smiling at the confusion in them.  
  
"Yes I do." She persisted. "I also wanted you to know that I'll wait for you." His head shot up, and he looked at her, his eyes asking a silent question. She nodded. "For as long as it takes. I will wait for you." She noted the indecision in his eyes, and she wondered if she should have told him. It only seemed to make him sadder. "What's wrong, Heero?"  
  
"Thank you." He whispered, ignoring her question and drawing her into his arms. He knew that if he talked to her too long he would end up telling her what the mission really was. "I will come back to you. I promise." He tilted up her chin, and kissed her gently. "Remember me, and know that I will never forget you."  
  
Relena pushed him away. He was quoting her dream again, and it frightened her. "This sounds like goodbye." She whispered. "Is this goodbye?"  
  
"Just for a little while." He promised, and stepped onto the lift that would take him to the cockpit of his mobile suit. She watched him as he ascended, stepping gracefully from the lift to the cockpit, and turned away from him, walking towards the control room so he wouldn't see her tears.

8&8&8&8&8

Relena watched impassively from the control room as Heero performed the routine checks to make sure that everything was working on his mobile suit. His shuttle had left the atmosphere and was almost at its destination. Colony C-14724. The newest colony to be built was where the message had come from, and was where Heero now had to go. Her brother had come to stand beside her, but she didn't notice. All her attention was focused on the screen in front of her.  
  
_Please Heero._ She thought fiercely, praying that her thoughts would reach him. _Please don't leave me alone._  
  
His head snapped up, and his eyes focused on her form. Had he heard her? She wondered, and as she looked at the screen, she questioned how anyone could think that he was emotionless. She could see every individual emotion in his eyes. Sorrow and determination were the most prominent ones, mixed with anger and frustration.  
  
The shuttle had reached the drop off point, and Heero started his mobile suit. This was it.  
  
At first it seemed like Heero was having no problems. He took the odd hit, but usually they were glancing blows, and didn't seem to do much damage to his suit, but Relena knew that something was wrong. By the way that his mouth tightened when he glanced down at the controls, and the look in his eyes when he looked into the vid-screen.  
  
_Please..._ Relena thought helplessly, hating herself for not trying harder to stop him. _Please let him survive. Please..._ She stared at the screen in horror, watching as Heero took another hit.  
  
"Report Yuy," Zechs ordered, and Heero glanced off screen for a moment before he turned back to face them.  
  
"Fifty mobile suits in the immediate vicinity," Heero reported, his eyes on Relena instead of Zechs. "More en route. Mobile suit has taken significant damage. Manoeuvring properly is impossible. Estimated chance of survival: 14"  
  
"Get out of there then!" Zechs snapped, and Heero looked at him in surprise before deciding that it was just an act.  
  
"Negative. I'm unable to withdraw." He turned to face the mobile suits that had just arrived, charging towards them and cutting them in half. "I'm surrounded." He reported grimly as he a mobile suit exploded beside him, throwing him around in the cockpit.  
  
The hits were coming more frequently now, and they were doing more and more damage. Relena's heart stuck in her throat. It couldn't end like this, he couldn't die like this! Another suit exploded near him, and he was thrown forward so violently that his head hit the control panel. He was bleeding now; blood dripping from deep gashes in his forehead and arms.  
  
No! She wanted to scream. It couldn't end like this. He was the Perfect Soldier, he couldn't fail! But he had. She knew that now, watching as he took even more hits from the never-ending stream of mobile suits. He wouldn't be able to keep his promise; he wouldn't come back to her.  
  
Heero looked at her, the sorrow and pain evident in his eyes. "Relena..." he said softly, not caring that there were other people in the control room with her, watching him fight."I'm sorry." He smiled sadly at her, and took another hit, red warning lights flashing. "I still couldn't keep my promise..." A groan escaped him, and he wiped the blood that was dripping out of the side of his mouth.  
  
The control panel started to beep, and he looked down at the controls, his eyes widening. He placed a hand on the vid-screen, staring at Relena. _Remember me._ He mouthed, and then he was gone.  
  
Relena screamed as the cockpit exploded into flames. She screamed as she saw them swallowing him whole. This couldn't be happening. The transmission was cut off, and static filled the huge screen she had been watching.  
  
"Heero," she whispered, feeling a great emptiness in her heart. She collapsed into a chair. She was numb inside. She wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything but stare at the blank screen. He was dead, and it felt like she had died with him.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it. This is written for my dad, who suggested that I wrote a fic to his kind of music. I have no idea if Jann Arden was what he had in mind, but there it is. Credits to Jann for the song, and to Bandai for the characters. 


	2. Part 2

I Would Die For You: Part Two

By Symee-Sama

Author's Note: Thanks to Dragon Agility for the Beta read, and to Anna, Michelle and Ben for the comments. There is a little bad language in this fic, so you've been warned. And thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!

* * *

_I've never kissed a sweeter mouth  
__I've never been swept away  
__It's what dreams are made up of  
__Don't you know I could not survive  
__Without you in my life  
__I would die for you_

-Jann Arden

* * *

Relena watched emotionlessly as the coffin was lowered into the ground. It was empty, of course, they hadn't been able to recover his body, but it was no different for her. Whether there was a body to dress up or not, Heero was dead, and nothing, nothing would bring him back. She threw her handful of dirt onto his coffin, leaning into her brother for support.

He was dead... The thought of it no longer tore her up inside. Her heart had already been torn to shreds, and now, whenever she thought of him, and of the last time she saw him, she simply felt a dull throbbing, that made it hard to breathe.

_Remember me..._

She could still see him, his hand on the screen, mouthing those last words moments before the flames consumed him. How could she forget him? When she woke up in the morning, he was there in her mind, and when she finally lay down to sleep, he lay down beside her. He was haunting her, and even though the constant reminder of him was painful, she was afraid, desperately afraid that she _would_ forget him, and that she would betray him as completely as she had in her dream.

She felt Milliardo tug on her arm, and shook her head. "I want to stay," she told him, and when he frowned, she smiled sadly, placing her hand over his, seeking to comfort others even now. "I know that you two weren't close, but please, Milliardo, I loved him... I want to be with him just a little bit longer."

He nodded brusquely, turning on his heel, and making his way to the car. She watched him go, and then, turned back to the grave, smiling again at the men who watched her, waiting for her to leave so they could fill in the grave.

"Please go ahead," she moved slightly away from Heero's resting place and sat down on one of the cold stone benches that were comfort for the living in this land of the dead. "I'll wait until you're finished to say my goodbyes."

They went to work, and Relena let her mind drift from them, from the cemetery, to a place where Heero still lived. The past. She smiled her first genuine smile of the day as she thought about the man she loved. She could see him so clearly in her mind's eye. It seemed sometimes like she would wake up and find him beside her, comforting her, and telling her that this was all some horrible nightmare.

But she would never wake up next to him again, never be held by him again, because now he was beyond her reach, and all the political power in the world couldn't help her now. She wanted to scream at her helplessness, but instead, she clenched her hands into fists and held them in her lap, and watched, watched as they buried an empty coffin.

When the men were done, she waited until they'd left her alone before she moved gracefully to kneel in front of the tombstone. She reached out, as she had in her dream, and traced the numbers on the tombstone. _They're wrong!_ She realized with a start. _AC 180 – 200... _The dates didn't match the ones she'd seen in her dream. But whatever the numbers, whatever the dates, he was gone. Her fingers moved upwards, tracing the letters of his name, and the kanji she'd insisted they put on there, and it hit her. He was gone. Heero was never coming back. She had years ahead of her, and she would never see him smile again, never hear him laugh.

Positive that she was alone, Relena didn't stop the tears that streamed down her face. No one was here to attempt to comfort her, or make her feel ashamed of her weakness. She would allow herself this last moment of weakness, and then she would move on. She would never forget him, she would come back every year and place a flower on his grave, but she would move on.

She had to. She had responsibilities to keep and nations to manage, and though they might be sympathetic to the loss of the man that she loved, they would not accept that as an excuse. She would not give them any reason to need an excuse for her actions.

Heero was gone, and her heart had died with him, but she would hold onto her pride.

A twig snapped behind her, and she whirled around, hastily rubbing at the tear trails that ran down her cheeks. "It's okay to cry, Princess," Duo knelt beside the headstone, his fingers running over the letters in much the same way that Relena's had moments before. "No one would ever fault you for it."

"My brother would," Relena replied, not daring to look at her friend's face, not wanting to see the pity that she was sure was there. Poor pathetic Relena was left with nothing... She'd seen the headlines, that mourned the loss of the Vice Foreign Minister as well as the loss of a Gundam Pilot, but she'd show them. She still had her pride, damn it! If she had nothing else, she had her pride.

"And the leaders of the world too," Duo agreed, taking her hand in his. "Those tight asses don't understand what it is to feel." Relena opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her by placing his finger on her lips. "Don't deny it. Zechs chased away everything he loved when he chased away Noin, and he hasn't been the same person since. Out of all of us, he probably understands what you're going through the best, but refuses to acknowledge it. Hell, he hasn't even realized that he misses her yet.

"'Cause that's what he does when he gets hurt, or emotions threaten to overwhelm him. He shuts himself down... just like Heero used to." Duo lifted her chin so she was forced to look at him. "He was a friggin' computer before he met you, and he wouldn't want you to be the same way."

Only years of training as a diplomat kept Relena from gaping at him. There was no pity in Duo's eyes, a bitter understanding perhaps, but no pity. He could see the pride, the desperate need to survive this that everyone else had either ignored or been blind to.

"You lost your best friend," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes again, but this time she didn't care if he saw. "I've been running." She admitted, standing up and brushing the dirt from her knees. "I was so focused on myself. On making it past this, and moving forward, that I forgot there were others who were as close to him as I was."

She didn't protest when he pulled her to the bench, and sat with his arm around her. They both needed the contact. "How's Hilde?" Relena asked, and leaned against him more.

"She's fine, worried as hell about me and you, but fine. We just finished the payments on the scrapyard. It's ours now." He grinned. "You should come down to L2 sometime. I'd give you the grand tour of the junk heaps."

Relena laughed. "I'll make sure of it." She pressed a hand to her forehead, willing the dull throb that was building there to go away. "Although, by the looks of my schedule, I won't be free for the next decade."

This time it was Duo who laughed. "Then me and Hilde will come to see you. Don't worry, Princess, we won't let you drown in paperwork." He squinted into the sunlight, and then moved away from her with a sigh. "Your brother's coming... I'm gonna make my exit before he decides that I took liberties with his baby sister and castrates me."

The light in Relena's eyes faded as she remembered exactly where she was, and what she was doing there. For those few minutes that she spent with Duo, everything had been pushed away, and she had been happy, genuinely happy. Something tugged at her heart, but she ignored it.

"I'll see you 'round, Princess," Duo flashed one last smile and was gone just as Zechs stormed over the hill, angry at having to wait so long.

"You've been up here for hours," he informed her, as his eyes scanned the area. "Who was up here with you?" He asked as Relena made her way down the car. "I could've sworn I saw someone." But Relena ignored him, already shutting herself down so she wouldn't have to deal with the pain.

8&8&8&8&8

Thousands of people crowded the streets to ring in the new year, and Duo sipped his coffee, watching them with a bitter smile on his face. _What a year..._ He thought, grinding the heel of his hand into his forehead. _Went to the funeral of my best friend, watched as my girlfriend walked away from me, and broke my promises to a friend who needed me._

He toasted the celebrations, and then downed his coffee in one go, ignoring the way it seared down his throat. Well at least he was making up for one mistake this year. He glanced at his watch impatiently. Relena had agreed to forgo the parties that were going on tonight and ring in the new year with him.

He didn't even really know why he'd asked her really, all he'd wanted was to be alone tonight, but still... He had the strange feeling that she wouldn't make him feel crowded, or uncomfortable like other people did nowadays. Since Heero's death, he'd been drawing away from people, closing himself in until everyone was like a stranger to him, even Hilde.

She'd left him because of the distance he'd put between them, and while he regretted it, he still couldn't think of any way to make these feelings go away. Heero's death had torn him apart, and even though he usually could usually hide it behind his carefully crafted façade of cheerfulness, the people he was closest to, Hilde and the other pilots, knew he wasn't the same, and knew that he wasn't trying to be the same again.

Relena was different though, she understood what he felt. She'd had to deal with it the same way he had. By shutting herself down, by pushing away the people who could evoke strong emotions in her, and numbing herself so she wouldn't have to feel the pain.

He'd warned her about getting like that. Told her that Heero wouldn't have wanted her to be that way, but he also knew now, that she wouldn't be able to function without numbing herself. The pain would be too much... So he sat in his dingy little apartment, waiting for her to come and join him so they could...

Could what? Duo wondered, realizing that he'd never really put much thought into it. Talk? Watch TV? Reminisce about old times? Or would they just sit in awkward silence and watch everyone else enjoy their night?

_Or maybe heal each other?_

Duo had no idea where that one came from, but as soon as he thought it, he knew that was what he desperately wanted to do. To heal her, to bring back the Relena that laughed freely, and was happy, and at the same time, to be the person he was.

He'd been a better person when Heero was alive.

He heard a knock at his door, and went over to it, opening it with a smile. "Princess!" he beamed, knowing that she could see past his act, but also knowing that she was comforted by its familiarity. "Come in!" He gestured grandly at the small apartment, and watched as she took it all in.

"I know it's not what you're used to..." he began, dry washing his hands in his nervousness, "but it's not that bad a place to spend the night. It's got this great view of the square." She turned to him and smiled, a simple, sad smile that broke his heart and healed it at the same time.

"I don't really know why I came here," she admitted, resting her fingers against the cool glass of the window. "I wanted... a peace of mind tonight... it's been eleven months and thirty days since he died, since I've felt anything." Duo's mouth went dry as she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. "And I know that you've been the same way."

"Not around you," his voice was husky, and didn't sound like him at all. "It's like a part of me died with Heero that day, and since then there's only been a ghost wandering around in my place. But around you... Princess... you make me feel like I'm alive again."

She nodded slightly, and moved back towards the window, taking a seat upon the ratty couch, leaving room for him to sit beside her. "My brother is a nervous wreck, these days. He never shows it, but he feels guilty for making me like this. For taking Heero away from me." She sighed, and for the first time, Duo noticed how pale she was, and how she'd lost weight. "It's funny how it works out. It used to be me fretting over him, and him being beyond my reach. Our positions have changed."

"He should feel guilty," Duo's face darkened in anger and thinly veiled disgust. "Zechs sent Heero to die. I saw the mission, all the pilots did. It was a suicide mission if I ever saw one, and Heero, he was stupid enough to take it."

"He wanted to protect me," Relena said softly, shame tinging her voice. "I don't know why you still want to talk to me, after he died for me. I let him do it. I let him die. If I had said something he wouldn't have gone. I could've made up a lie. Made him stay."

"There was nothing you could've done," Duo shushed her, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Absolutely nothing you said would have changed his mind, or Zechs'..."

She went rigid against him, afraid of the emotions that were stirring in her, and that she knew were rising in him. Her mind shifted back to her dream, and she was scared, scared that she would forget Heero if she allowed herself to be with Duo.

She whispered his name, raising her head to look into eyes that were as haunted as hers were. "Don't be scared, Princess," he said as he reached up to cup her face, and lowered his mouth until it was mere inches above hers.

She pulled back, pushing him away from her. "I can't. I said I wouldn't forget him."

"Being with me doesn't mean that you forget him, or that I take his place." Duo pulled her close again. "I don't want you to forget him, but... we need this, Relena. Both of us need this." This time, when he lowered his mouth to hers, she didn't retreat, instead, she met him, letting him chase away all the pain of the past year.

They clung to each other, rocking back and forth, until the noise in the square below grew to a deafening roar. "Midnight," Duo said into the curve of her neck. "Happy New Year, babe."

Relena shook her head, and turned her head away so he wouldn't see her tears. "No..." her voice was barely above a whisper, as images of Heero dying, of his bloody face, and static replacing his image on the screen rushed through her mind. It had been a year... the enormity of it stunned her. He'd been gone a year, and she was still here, still living, and even daring to love a little. "No," she said again, as Duo's arms tightened around her, "happy anniversary."

8&8&8&8&8

Duo walked into Preventors Headquarters whistling softly, and after signing into reception, made his way to Quatre's office. "Hey Quatre," he smiled, and sat on the edge of his friend's desk. "What's on the list for today?"

"Just paperwork and meetings for today, nothing interesting." The blonde smiled at his friend. "You're in a good mood today, Duo."

"I think somebody got laid," Wufei said from the doorway, making Quatre blush, and Duo laugh. "It's true isn't it, Maxwell? That's good. It's about time you stopped moping around here, and got your ass in gear." He walked over to Quatre, and handed him some files. "Une wanted you to look these over. Something to do with trade delegations I think."

Quatre sighed. "I always get the diplomats."

"It's because you're the best at handling them," Duo informed him, still smiling broadly. "I annoy them, Trowa intimidates them, and Wufei just scares the shit out of them." He laughed again. "Not that I'm complaining. Give me bomb threats over diplomats any day."

"So who's the girl?" Wufei asked, curious about who could have such a dramatic effect on his friend. "Did Hilde come back?"

Duo shook his head. "Not Hilde, no, but someone who understands me." He leaned back against the desk. "I've kind of felt something for her for almost a year now, but nothing happened until last night, but she understands me, guys, she understands what I've been through." He grinned. "Almost like you, Wufei."

"Let me get this straight," Trowa strolled into the office, files in hand. "You're sleeping with Relena?"

"I never mentioned who it was!" Duo stammered, turning red.

"I'll take that as a yes," Trowa smiled slightly, and handed the files to Quatre. "More diplomats for you to take care of. They want to talk about the expansion of their colonies, and about the new laws that were put in place. So you and Relena finally hooked up?" The question was directed at Duo.

"More diplomats?" Quatre sighed again. "Can't they find anyone else to handle the damn diplomats?"

"You just gotta face it, Quat. None of us has your boyish charms." Duo patted his friend on the back consolingly. "If it makes you feel any better, I can take one of these files off your hands."

"And have another crisis on our hands?" Quatre placed a protective hand over the files on his desk. "Do you remember the last time that you took on a diplomatic mission, Duo? You threatened the leader of the colony, and called him a moron, not to mention shooting up a factory. It took us months to clean up that little incident."

"There were bad guys, Quat!" Duo whined, "and he wouldn't listen to me!"

"No excuse," the blonde man scolded, and sipped his tea. "Now what's this about you and Relena?"

"Basically, I've felt this way about her since the funeral." Duo began, sitting back down on the edge of the desk. "But I didn't want to push anything because I'd feel like a total sleaze, hitting on my best friend's girlfriend at his funeral, and plus, she wasn't ready for a relationship. So, I went back to Hilde, but found that things weren't the same, and that I couldn't function in the relationship anymore."

He sighed. "I really fucked that one up, but I always felt more comfortable, more at ease around Relena, so I invited her for New Year's, and... well," he coughed, "things happened. I didn't plan for them, but they did..."

Duo looked at his best friends. "Does this make me a complete jerk?" And when they looked at him in askance, he elaborated. "Going after Relena... is that wrong?"

"No," Quatre said quietly, and sipped his tea again. "I don't believe it is. Heero's dead, and pushing away feelings you may have for Relena because of that... it's not healthy, and I don't think that he would want it to be that way."

Trowa nodded. "I agree with Quatre, Heero wouldn't want Relena or you to be unhappy, and if it's being with each other that makes you happy, then I don't think he'd object."

"Just make sure that you don't try to replace him," Wufei cautioned. "Relena won't stand for that." He noted the relieved look on Duo's face. "You really do care for her, don't you?"

"I'm head over heels," Duo admitted, running both hands through his bangs. "It's only been one night, and I want to marry her." He caught the expressions on his friends' faces and grimaced. "That doesn't mean that I'm going to. Just that I feel strongly enough about her to marry her."

"Well that's all fine and dandy," Sally drawled from the doorway, "but Une's coming this way, so if you want to avoid a reprisal, get your butts moving."

All the pilots followed the older woman, not wanting to get on Une's bad side, but Duo remained behind, looking down at his toes. "It'll be fine," Quatre assured him, smiling broadly. "Just don't try to rush things, and everything will work out fine."

"Sure, Quat." Duo said, looking anything but sure. "Have fun with those diplomats." He waved over his shoulder and was gone.

Quatre, sat quietly for a long time after Duo left, not doing anything, simply staring at the closed door. There was something wrong, he could feel it, but he couldn't put his finger on exactly what was wrong. All he knew was that he'd been uneasy since Duo had announced that he was seeing Relena. There was something... wrong about it, and he couldn't explain why.

Telling himself that he was being paranoid, Quatre sipped his now cold tea, and opened the first file that Une had sent him. Heero was dead, so there was nothing wrong with Duo and Relena finding happiness. He told himself, but was still unable to shake that terrible feeling.

8&8&8&8&8

There were millions of things for him to do, but the instant that Relena walked into Zechs' office, he mentally pushed all of them aside. None of them were as high in priority as his sister. Especially the way she looked right now, a mixture of confusion, guilt, and conditional happiness on her face.

Tearing his gaze away from her for a moment, he glanced down at his papers. Old worries coming back to haunt him as he searched for the report he needed. A quick glance though, and his shoulders slumped in relief. There was no chance of the problem he was worried about. "What can I help you with, Relena?" He asked, finally directing his attention towards his baby sister.

"It's not anything you can help me with really," Relena began slowly, taking one of the chairs in front of his desk. "More like advice really." He gestured for her to continue, and she took a deep breath, folding her hands in her lap to stop them from shaking. "Is it wrong for me to become involved with another man this soon after Heero's death?"

"It's been a year," Zechs said brusquely, dismissing the dead pilot with a shrug of his shoulders. "Who is it you've become involved with?"

"Duo," Relena informed him, forsaking her calm façade to pace around Zechs' office. "It's Duo. Is that wrong? To become involved with Heero's best friend?" She noted the look on his face, and her shoulders sagged. "I'm asking the wrong person, aren't I?"

"Probably," Zechs agreed, steepling his fingers, and leaning over his desk. "I can't claim to have any love for Yuy, but I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to deny yourself happiness because he couldn't be the one to give it to you. If Duo's the one that you want to be with, I think you should be with him."

"Thank you, Milliardo," Relena smiled, and kissed him on the cheek before exiting his office. She was so happy that she didn't realize that he'd picked up the phone before she'd left and begun to dial numbers. He watched the door with a careful eye, and when he judged she was far enough, he muttered a greeting to the special operations officer that picked up the phone.

"This is Wind," he said, his voice calm and dangerous. "I'm calling about Ichiban. Yes, yes, him. I need you to give him another assignment. I don't care what it is, but you keep him away from Earth. Tell him the situation hasn't settled here yet, and it would be best for him to wait. Yes. I understand. Thank you." Zechs hung up the phone, and leaned back in his chair.

His baby sister was finally going to be safe.

8&8&8&8&8

Relena laughed as Duo carried her through the door, and carefully placed her on the ground. "It was wonderful!" She exclaimed, pressing her lips against him, and tossing her veil onto the bed. "Absolutely wonderful!"

"I'm glad you still feel that way," Duo ran kisses down her neck, loosening the ties of her dress. "Mrs. Maxwell." He smiled into her skin, and led her to the bed, easing her down onto it. It had been beautiful. Nerve wracking, but beautiful.

He'd suffered the laughed about pre-marriage jitters, and it had taken Wufei and Trowa to drag him back into the church, and to the best thing that would ever happen to him. "I love you," he whispered, and clutched her to him. "I love you, Lena."

"I'm glad you haven't changed your mind," Relena smiled wryly, moving her hand to hold the back of his head. "There's something I have to tell you," the seriousness of her tone had him drawing back, concern in his eyes. "I'm pregnant."

Relief flowed through her when Duo let out a whoop and spun her around, her already loose dress falling off her shoulders. "Do we know if it's going to be a girl or a boy?" He asked, as excited as a child on Christmas.

"No," she shook her head. "It's much too early to know that, but can you imagine it Duo?" She smiled broadly at him. "I never thought that it would turn out this way... Eight years should seem like a long time, but it doesn't somehow."

"You're not getting cold feet now are you?" Duo asked worriedly. "It's a little late now..."

"I know, but I just feel like... I've betrayed him somehow."

"I know," he gathered her close. "But he's gone. He's been gone for five years now, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. I love you, Relena. I love you so much that I would die for you in a heartbeat." He pressed his lips to her skin again. "We don't have to do anything tonight if you don't feel up to it."

"No," Relena said quickly, drawing his mouth to hers. "I want this. I love you, Duo." She assured him as she lost herself in the sensations. It was just nerves that were making her feel this way, but even as she whispered his name, she couldn't chase away that horrible feeling of dread.

8&8&8&8&8

It was late when Zechs finally finished up his paperwork. He sighed heavily as he signed the last form, carefully placing it in its proper place. He felt old. He could remember when he was the one who was zipping around the battlefields, but now he just gave the orders. He hadn't even sat in a mobile suit for over a year now.

His baby sister was all grown up, and had been happily married for just over three years now. Every time he saw her, he could tell that Duo was chasing the ghosts that haunted her away, and that she was doing the same for him.

He sighed again, letting his head rest in his hands. He knew the reason he felt old, and it wasn't just because he was behind a desk all the time now. In fact, he enjoyed the work he did. He was an important asset to the Preventors...

But damn it all. He missed Lu. Zechs took a deep breath, allowing himself his one small moment of self-pity before he regained his composure. He hated showing weakness, even when he was the only one who would know of it.

It was for the best anyway, he told himself as he filed the paperwork. She wouldn't be happy with a man like him. Just like Relena never would have been happy with a man like Heero... he grimaced at the thought of them together.

"It was for the best," he repeated slowly to himself, not talking about Noin anymore. "She did much better than him with Maxwell."

"That wasn't for you to decide," Heero drawled behind him, and Zechs froze he felt the barrel of a gun press into his back. "Take a seat, Zechs." Heero waited until the older man had done as he ordered, and then walked to the front of the desk. The former Epyon pilot was implacable, seemingly unperturbed by the fact that a gun was pointed at him. "You really fucked us over good didn't you? You were supposed to tell her, Zechs, but instead you let her think I was dead."

"And she found someone better!" Zechs snarled, not caring when the younger pilot's eyes widened in anger. "Admit it, Yuy. She's better off without you. I gave her the chance to choose, and she chose Duo over you."

"Did you tell her that the mission was a fake?" Heero asked quietly, scarcely able to believe the depth of Zechs' betrayal. "Did you tell her that my death was scripted, and that the explosion was faked? Did you Zechs?"

"No," Zechs smiled smugly, and leaned back in the chair. "I knew she could do better than you, Yuy, so I let her."

"I love her!" Heero exploded, and aiming carefully, shot Zechs in the shoulder. "And she loved me, and you were supposed to tell her I'd be back!" He paced around the office, his heart breaking at the thought of Relena in Duo's arms... as Duo's wife.

Zechs simply smiled, ignoring the blood pumping from his shoulder, making Heero even angrier. "The mission was supposed to be less than two years, but you kept extending it." Heero spat, and took out his anger by shooting the phone off Zechs' desk. "You knew what was going on, and kept me tucked away in the most remote places in the universe, checking false leads, and destroying minor drug rings. You kept me away from her, so I couldn't interfere."

"That's exactly right," Zechs said, knowing that he was probably going to die, but not able to bring himself to care. "They're happy, now. Don't ruin it for them. They forgot you, and now they're happy."

"They forgot me?" Heero felt like he'd been punched in the gut, like something indescribable had been taken from him, and he hadn't even known that it was there until it was gone. Betrayal washed over him in waves. "But... she... she promised."

"You couldn't expect her to wait for a ghost," Zechs chided him, still smiling broadly. "Did you hear that they've had a child? A beautiful little girl." He watched Heero pace around the room, the younger man's face twisted with too many emotions for Zechs to name, the smile fading only when Heero moved to stand behind him. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry Zechs, but I can't have you interfering." It was Heero's turn to smile grimly as he brought the butt of the gun crashing down and sent Zechs sprawling on the floor. "Not until after I reach Relena."

Author's Note: Anyway, I hoped you liked it. I know I skipped around a bit, but that was the only way I could keep it at a decent length. Any problems with this fic, or suggestions for the end (I have no idea what I'm doing with it yet), review! And thanks a lot for your comments, praises, and squints at the screen death threats (?) from the first part.


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